Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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