are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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