Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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