Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
