I haven't been this sober since birth.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
