So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she looked like the before picture.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize