I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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