Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
