I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
did i walk over a car last night?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
