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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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