Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
