If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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