Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize