Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
