I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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