So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
