3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
