i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
