I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I touched a dick in church today
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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