I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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