Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize