based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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