she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
