remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
