NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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