oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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