if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
