but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
