Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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