two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
