It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
