omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Success! We fucked roommates!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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