he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
