i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
