well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
