i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
