You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
