How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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