I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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