I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
