before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
