so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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