lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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