Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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