Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
