This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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