Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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