he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
