oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
