I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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