Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
