Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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