That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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