Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
