My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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