umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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