Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
