I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
