I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize