The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
