Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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